The word alone invokes fear in some people, while in others it promotes happiness. Why is this? I think as a collective, we have been preprogrammed to constantly believe everything we do must involve someone else. While it is true that humans require some sort of contact, I believe it is the “overfilling” of said contact that is the problem. Let me explain. People wake up in the morning and establish contact immediately, by picking up their phone, turning to their partner, pet or children. They tap in to everyone and everything first before even considering themselves. The stimulation and instant dopamine hits from notifications, emails, and social media feeds into the thought process of not feeling lonely.

However it’s in the quiet times, when nothing is on and you sit with yourself is where true stimulation happens. Why? Your mind is free to explore, experiment and check in with the body. Many say they don’t have time but is that true? You’ve been exhausted for weeks but yet you keep pushing. You say yes to all the extracurricular activities when all you really want to do is take a hot bath and read that book you bought 2 months ago. Being “outside” is now a catch phrase and some feel the need to emulate it constantly. Spending time with self and being alone to contemplate and assess where you are at is not lonely, it is essential. Spending time in your own energy and not having to worry about someone else’s energy/feelings/thoughts is what elevates us to our truest nature.

It’s why people (especially moms) sit in the car in the driveway for 30 mins after arriving home, most of the time in stillness. They simply need to decompress and check in with self. It is not selfish to care about yourself. Loving you is vital in loving others. It shows people how you should be treated by the energy you exude when you are taking care of you. If you are treating yourself poorly, then that is the energy you are giving out to people. You can’t pour into anyone else when your cup is empty.

Women especially have issues with this as we are trained from birth that our value lies with how we help others. As if our worth as human beings means we must be with someone, doing something, for somebody. The amount of stress, low cortisol, depression, hormonal imbalances, and other health issues that people face especially during the holiday season is tremendous. The value put into what we MUST do, what we MUST have is disconcerting. I know people who have been surrounded by others and felt completely alone, yet when they went home by themselves they didn’t feel loneliness.

Sometimes your own company is the best company. Learn to feel safe in your own energy, and that’s when you will recognize that being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely.

With love and light,

Just Dee