I used to think that evolution was something that only happened naturally. That one day I would grow up and boom, I would be mature. The reality of evolution is something so much more deeper than age, nature or nuture. The more I reflect on it, I realize that most people were not put here to evolve, they were put here to show you what happens when you don’t.

We all have had that boss, manager, parental unit, uncle or aunt, that was perhaps older than us but clearly never matured. They don’t take accountability for anything they do wrong and instead attempt to gaslight people into believing it’s everyone else’s fault. Whenever it’s called to their attention, they deflect and claim ignorance of anything ever happening. They live their life spinning stories and never actually “grow up”. When you ask other people about them their behavior is excused as “that’s just the way they are”, or you’re told to respect your elders (in other words ignore their behavior because they are older).

What I have come to learn is these types of people are needed. They are a prime example of what you shouldn’t become. This is an important step in everyone’s evolution. You need to see for yourself in real time what a person’s life looks like when you don’t recognize and grow from your immaturity. Social media and reality shows have made so much money off of people’s real or fake dysfunction, that it has becoming one of the biggest ways to make obtain income. How is this possible? Why would people be so interested in other people’s issues and immaturity?

The answer is simpler than you would think and it’s also the reason people chose to live in immaturity and not evolve. It’s easier. When you can focus on everyone and everything other than yourself you don’t have “time” to focus on you. You never have to look in the mirror and address those things within you that you need to focus on. This is why some people find another person whilst in the midst of ending a relationship. It’s so much easier to invite in another energy to concentrate on and distract you then to have to focus on your part in the relationship. Evolving means that you understand that their is ownership on both sides whether that ownership is equal or not.

A good example of this is being cheated on repeatedly and choosing to remain with that person. Words are powerful things, but words without actions is manipulation. When a person shows you who they are and what they are capable of, it is then up to you to decide if this person(s) should remain in your life. This is the ownership that you carry. The self love that you have built up is your responsibility to enforce. No one is telling anyone what to do, however what you allow, will remain. It will not grow (evolve) into anything else other than what it is. Thinking something or someone doing the same thing over and over again will change or have a different result is one definition of insanity.

The same applies in your own personal self growth and love. You can’t continue participating in the same patterns you’ve always known. You have to transmute that energy and evolve into your higher self. If you aren’t treating you kindly, lovingly, and with respect, how can you expect anyone else too? If you allow yourself to be cheated on continuously and be taken advantage of (believing the person when they have shown you their true character) than have you truly evolved? This is where actualized self-care becomes so important to your growth.

Evolving in self-love is quieter and steadier and more about how you consistently treat yourself over time. Choosing what’s good for you, not just what feels good. This can relate to resting instead of overworking, or having discipline instead of avoidance. Evolving places self awareness without you being cruel to yourself. It’s ok to notice your mistakes and flaws without feeling shame or getting defensive. You can take responsibility for yourself without attacking yourself. Self-evolution doesn’t require anyone’s approval. You don’t have to over-explain yourself or feel “less than”.

Evolving means you can say no when needed and yes when you actually mean yes. It means forgiving yourself, and correcting yourself. It is not an excuse for harmful behavior but it is also not what defines you. Just because you use to abuse drugs or alcohol does not mean you always will. Evolving is a constant state of change, and making the decision to not abuse yourself shows the corrected behavior. The recognition that you are worth more than your actions, and that you have the innate ability to rise to the occassion shows your biggest growth.

How does this higher evolution resonate in our everyday lives? It shows up by people acting in ways that support their physical, mental, and emotional well-being-even when no one else is around. Maturity and self-love says “I will do what helps me live well and authentically”. It is a calm and grounded relationship with yourself that evolves over time, if you work at it and take responsibility for it. It shows up in your behavior and how you treat yourself and others. Treating yourself with dignity, stability and value. This is evolution at it’s highest form.

With Love and Light

Just Dee